I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
