I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
