Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
