I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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