Define "chronic" masturbator.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
