So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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