Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
