why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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