so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
