Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
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