your thong is hanging out like whoa
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
