Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
