Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
