It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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