better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
