There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
