So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
