I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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