How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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