I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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