ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
