I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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