he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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