Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and you said cock pushups were impossible
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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