i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
