honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
