I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
