sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
