yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
