So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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