Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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