No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
