I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
