You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
