Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
