Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
