just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
birth control should be required to get into college
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
