whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
