i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
