I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
