wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
