You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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