Your face is a jimmy john
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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