I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
