Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
