that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You ate ashes out of my bong
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
