went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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