I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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