im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
