Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
