Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
