your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
