You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
