I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
