today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
